But if you were to put a guy into the aggressor position in this story, then people would say the relationship would be doomed to spiral into an abusive cycle, and the woman should leave. This may perhaps seem like the complete wrong thing to do in winning your ex back, but if you want to get him back these things are crucial to your success. Take pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital as well. Without rambling too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the infidelity. I would suggest you be afraid he'll come back. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. Now this may sound complicated but in reality it really isn't. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. This makes your ex want you back more then ever. I don't want sympathy at all. How old are you? Thread closed. My boyfriend then apologised to me for his actions and letting bottled things up when he could have spoke to me when it was annoying him. How do you apologize for hitting someone? He made me angry and upset, and now hasn't spoken to me in two days, should I reach out? If they agree, tell your boyfriend you feel sorry and regret your actions. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. It means being disrespected, disregarded, hurt, ignored and devalued. She casually reminded him of all the pleasant times that they had had together. It may not display this or other websites correctly. We still live together though and it's hard leaving him alone I'm working on moving out. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. The Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. My ex wife used to tell me that I lost my ambition and I needed to play less golf, blah blah blah I dumped her and got a hot young wife and still do what I want You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. And I should. Also accept and acknowledge that you were the one who hurt her. My boyfriend and I got into an argument this past weekend. Some cannot handle the unpleasantries that a disagreement can bring; having anger management classes can better handle those situations. You have matured and you are finally in control of yourself and your emotions. So you shouldn't be with him. This guy crossed the line by pushing and slapping you. I locked myself away in the room because of my guilting was emotionally unstable. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you. I am so sad and upset and ashamed of my actions. I really love him and I don't know why I get so violent. By You need to find a way to direct your anger in a healthy manner as opposed to injuring your loved ones. I woke up with a bruise on my arm. Then bam, just like that you will be stuck on your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night. My initial post says I'm working on moving out. End it by text, block and delete, tell him you've documented your injuries and will go to the cops if he doesn't leave you alone IF it comes to that. We get to my house and I tell him I'm not leaving his car until he calms down and we talk about this. Of course it wasn't like I slapped him so hard (I know that doesn't matter). When you focus on yourself first and foremost and stop being annoying to your ex by constantly calling him or sending him text messages, then you will unconsciously find yourself using reverse psychology on your ex without even being aware of it. Because if you don't it WILL happen again. However he kept on following me and shouting at me, I was shouting back of course and throwing insults back then he randomly ran up to me from across the street and pushed me extremely hard - it made me take a couple steps back. I slapped my five year old. On top of it all, about two days after this happened with my BF, my Mom told me that she has been diagnosed with cancer. He made me out to look crazy because he didn't give the full story which led the stranger to think that i am crazy. Thanks for your answers, they really helped. I've never once even come close to really wanting to. He slapped me back and I slapped him again then all of a sudden he slapped me so hard that my ear started to ring. Read More >, I hit my boyfriend and I hate myself for it. You're clearly working out a lot of issues, and it seems like you can't get past the infidelity. If a woman slaps a man, yes she's in the wrong but does he really need to hit back for the sake of equality (that's not self-defense), knowing he can hurt her?? And it went left from there. I've never once hit someone. Every time. It a little birdie will tell him one way or another. Kartoff I completely understand why he needs space and doesn't want to be with me. Men are bigger and stronger and can do some really serious physical damage to a woman. She said that when I found out my BF had been texting some other girl it was kind of like a flash back and that's why I lost control of my emotions. I ruined something great by losing control. Part of this commitment involves being more aware of emotions and their impact. While "domestic violence" and "intimate partner violence" are terms that can be used interchangeably, the difference between the two is that domestic violence can happen between any two individuals who are living together. Think how you would be feeling if you were had done the dumping? is it safe to listen to tarot readers if you are a Christian? Understanding that what you did is wrong is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not happen again. What happens if she gets drunk and something similar happens again? Again, this is not how someone who cares about you behaves. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back this is exactly where you want to be. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I tell him I don't think I did anything wrong, he is the one now who is really in the wrong, for flipping out, calling me names, etc. It's that simple. I don't know what's wrong with me and don't know why I do this. And don't get on yourself too badly - yes, you screwed up, but you're taking full responsibility and action steps to change and grow. It's a classic move. Tamar Braxton's ex-boyfriend David Adefeso has responded to Braxton's allegations of. Feeling horrible. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. He calmed down a tiny bit, we went inside and talked. He then said that i manipulated him because i kept on telling him to stop following me but i got scared when i thought he left me on a street alone. I'm not trying to blame you and don't want you to be trying to find a way that this is your fault, I'm just trying to cover the bases so I know I'm getting an accurate picture. You domestically abused your boyfriend. He's causing you hurt and anxiety and he does it anyway. The fact of the matter is that people make mistakes. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. Getting an ex back is difficult if you were dumped. Very common. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. I've heard lots of relationship problems but the only ones who have ever used Jekyll/Hyde in the description are in abusive relationships. If he ever slapped me in an argument I would leave him on the spot. I have been with my children since they were born with very little to no breaks in between. Everything I've read says "Abuse is never a one time event," and that we need to immediately break up because I don't even deserve to be with him. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. He proceeds to grab my arm and drag me out of the car. His leaving and refusing to respond is another power move. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. You should not be treated special just because you were upset and then regretted it. I would leave him if he hit me. Should successful women date like successful men? I feel so angry and mad at him but most of all my feelings are hurt. It's horrible when we lose control and really screw things up. Any advice on how I can make it up to him but also stand my ground on him always leaving me? I just found out that my husband of 8 years has been Vent: Can the internet please be done slut shaming this cop, My boyfriend washed my clothes when I was super drunk. Tell him you're done and report it ASAP. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. "How do I talk to my boyfriend about his professional motivation and his problematic gaming without starting a fight or making him feel bad?" Read a psychologist's response here: 18 Jan 2023 11:00:06 He's laughing about the violence? SwatTeamLeader, September 23, 2022, By Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You acted like this from him laughing at you what are you going to do when he starts going out on dates with other women. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Marie was envious of Susan and Jimmy and she told Marie that her boyfriend Jimmy had been sleeping with another person. I bring it up 20 minutes later, and basically we go at it. Maybe you don't have anger issues overall, but clearly you do towards him. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. No more ignoring, no more games; from this point on your life will never be the same. Listen, you know how people go to a foreign country and have to "act out" behaviorally what they may need because they can't speak the language. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Because of this perception, these men often do not seek help. And, once it has, you'll find peace with yourself, and clarity on what to do. I wish I could reach out to you. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. You HIT him. Izzy1234 A hit is a clenched fist. The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. How do I tell him? But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. But it is important to understand that the pendulum swings both ways. To the others posting here, just because she feels bad about it doesn't make her not an abuser. I checked my phone a while later and my boyfriend had sent me a message saying that it wasn't okay for me to hit him like I did, and that he didn't want to see or talk to me and that I should go home to sleep instead of going to his place. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. good for him. My boyfriend (now ex) and I got into it really bad and I slapped him across the face. So, just let it go. I'm so conflicted. If you can explain/describe the turn of events, it would be helpful. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By Relationship Advice Forum for Men and Women, Hosted by Mimi Tanner. Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. These are also key ingredients in abusers. There are pdfs available online. Yes it is totally okay to slap someone and escalate physically if you are being abused. , that it's a no-no. If you're thinking, "I love my boyfriend, but I exhibit signs of one or more of these forms of violence," it is essential to reach out for help now. You get absolutely no sympathy from me. I'm 24, he's 28. The very thought of this terrified her. I know I'm wrong as fck and he has every right to be done. Because of my Dad's affair, my Mom fell into a deep depression and was an alcoholic (she has since recovered) and so I spent most of my time alone, I am an only child. Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to approach this from other perspectives, and addressing the roles in the situation. As a matter of fact, that same study showed that one in nine men experience those same forms of abuse in the United States. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. Your boyfriend might forgive you after talking it out and want to keep the relationship going. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. Clearly you still have a lot of anger issues, which you need to work out. Let me show you something that helped me get my ex back within 9 days flat. I'm just sick over it all and I miss him so much. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Apologizing is an important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship is desired. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. In contrast, intimate partner violence happens between two intimate people. I think it was largely miscommunication (I misunderstood something he said about it), but I also think that it's time we lay this to rest. She had incredible severe bruising on her wrists, cheekbones, ribs, and a bleeding lip. But when emotions run high, it can make a person unstable. What this means is that you need to stop call your ex boyfriend, no text messages and absolutely no going to see him at the places the places he hangs out at or his home. Why every time black issues come up its always black & brown? I realize I probably should have left his car, and it makes me even more upset that I, before that, had done nothing wrong (in my mind), but I just hate that he does something wrong, then gets mad, and feels justified to tell me to get out. Far too many apologies happen that arent completely sincere, and it winds up leading to further damage to the relationship as well as further violence. I know it's horrible and I know that no one should stay with me because I'm like this. 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