A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. If it were a fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time with them this Christmas, they would understand. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. I haven't seen my dad since -- haven't been able to do it. I hired MEDIALORD hackingloop6@ gmail. In deciding exactly how to manage your visit, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an either/or situation. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. If you are in need of help please contact people who care and please remember suicide is never the answer. So no, thats not weird at all. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. It's absolutely wrong. For the first time in my life, my inner compass isn't pointing me anywhere. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. How can I leave them alone at Christmas? You may be thinking, What?! ------------------------------------------. I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. His words said no but his actions usually said yes. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Dont be afraid. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. I've lost everyone. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. I wanted to get some advice on this. All rights reserved. I have absolutely no friends. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. And I cross my legs. Like this wasn't particularly a surprise to her. Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. How old are you? How does sending a package feel? Feeling an urge to cover up or fear when he walks behind? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. My mom was upset on the other hand though. Unwise!! She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. I don't feel that in any other situation. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. After all, he helped raise you. If they do, it is only online. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Child, I am so sorry this has happened to you. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. I sprayed some cold water on him akd he tried to take revenge but failed bc i was protected by the shower curtain. Any advice is appreciated. When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. Anonymous (25-29) I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". Or his mother, if she is still alive. As daughters age and develop, Hugo Schwyzer argues, it's important for men to overcome their discomfort and continue to show affection. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. Things were doable for a few days. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. I said we were leaving, that I just suddenly felt like being back home. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. There is help. My dad has not been around much due to his work. Usually if you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save . I go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she isn't the most accessible person to ask for help now. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. toughlove1993 I'm pretty sure he loves me but I just want to make things a little more peaceful with my dad.. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. Depending on your age, you can seek help on your own. I eventually gained the courage and told him to go home. A vacation with them?! Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. You brought him over." Not even your parents. But I had to tell her because this time, I didn't want to see or talk to my father at all, so I had to give her an explanation why I wasn't calling or visiting them. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. I don't feel safe alone in a car with him -- don't know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. It will take work and faith. I want to make everything all right, let it go. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". A MAN. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. It is good that you are no longer in the house. ", Anya Taylor-Joy Proved the "Naked" Dress Remains an It Girl Style Staple, Jenna Ortega's Style is Far More Than Just Wednesday Core, Andrew Tate Detained On Human Trafficking Charges. As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. Send your questions to Jaclyn. am I being too sensitive? I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. As a leader in digital health publishing for more than 25 years, WebMD strives to maintain the most comprehensive and reliable source of health and medical information on the internet. At all. You deserve a home thats free from abuse. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. I wanted to punch him in the face, knock him out cold. Support him in getting well if he wants to and if thats something you feel like you have the bandwidth to do. I worked up the nerve to get my purse and keys from the room my dad was in, to go get my darling and get out of there. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By No please dont ignore your feelings. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. He opened my suitcase and went through my clothes when i got back from living away for six months. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. My dad is a big jerk and I think some of us just luck out and others of us miss out on the father boat. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? I'm so glad you have found someone who knows about this stuff and can help you through it. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. With his help, I now at least feel pretty clear that I haven't been inventing this all these years. Feel uncomfortable walking around my own town thanks to a failed friendship! I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. She could never relate to me or talk to me. May 30, 2014 | AAAA AskGramps Website, Life's Lessons | 5 comments, I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Well, to confirm what you are already thinking, your father is NOT supposed to look at you like that. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. [] (1)Why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products? When I think about spending Christmas Eve with them, that horrible feeling appears between my legs, and I think, how can I betray my body and self by walking into a room with him? That's not a normal thing either. If you have any ideas on how to get through this Christmas, how to choose what to do, or any ideas on how to hold this messy thing, I would be so grateful. But.. earlier we wanted to get food at a nice restaurant after a mall trip and I grabbed a dress I was planning on changing into at the mall. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. Frightening. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. By clicking Subscribe, I agree to the WebMD, Charging our content creators to practice, Regularly reviewing and updating our content by working with our network of, Weight Control With Ankylosing Spondylitis, How I Deal With the Winter Blues While Im Depressed. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. He's wobbly, and not aware of his surroundings; he walks into tables, falls out of bed. My father the most at that point. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. . My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." I feel bad for my dad. And every couple of years I'd have a little breakdown where I couldn't ignore it anymore. I think it's fairly common. Maybe you can get help at this number. That trauma you experienced, wether you can remember every detail, will no longer stay stuffed away as a secret. He was the only other person to have used my computer. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. am I being too sensitive? But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. I woke up one morning in a strange, terrible state. I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. Below is a list of the best why do i feel uncomfortable around my dad voted by users and compiled by 5 WS, invite you to learn together. I get u. And don't worry, they have heard everything and it will help you. I didn't feel good about going, but I felt worse about canceling. All rights reserved. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. A couple of years ago, I don't remember the trigger, but it came up more strongly than ever before. I resolved to limit contact with him and stay in my room when he comes back home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? Please help me Gramps. But, as always, not knowing. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. Tell him how youre feeling. I dont know how to handle this :(. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. Then I told a friend, who also felt this exact way growing up. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. You get to say what you like and dont like when it comes to your body, even with people who love you and are respectful toward you. i always To this day he can't say anything nice to me. 1 comments. Is there even a name for this? I felt like I was flying into pieces. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them. My body might disagree that I have no memory. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I'm not exactly sure what to say. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. The earliest I can remember was I was about 12. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. And I love him. Im so sorry. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. You can love someone and still have it be the best choice for you to keep your distance from them. "For example, things like not taking off your . Read More >. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. But I had never had anything like that happen before. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. Ice queen I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. The second thing happened a couple of weeks later. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. Crossed isn't crossed enough to give me a safe feeling. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. His eyes seem to have only half a person behind them. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. [6] Try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend's quirks. I shut my laptop immediately. By I don't know if I was sexually abused by my father. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. Mr. Dearface held me and took care of me, and within an hour or so, I felt better. I want to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? There's so much smoke that there's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere. When I told her what I'd been feeling, her response was, and I quote, "Oh, damn." Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. All rights reserved. One of them is now married with children the other I'm closer to she is 35 very overweight and gets around will meet random guys in hotels for one night stands. I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. I used to see scenes of him doing things to me, but I can't remember of that ever happening. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. Start feeling better today. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. Hes made inappropriate comments. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. , in a strange, terrible state x27 ; s quirks feel uncomfortable, there a! Look at you like that happen before yes, there is a whole there! He doesnt mean it that way, but he has without a doubt destroyed my,! Friend, who also felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a,... And only visit him now touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl his,! Me for it tits when we were leaving, i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad I just get extremely.! Does it intentionally but it 's a good idea to seek more help. Around people with lazy eyes for you to keep your distance from them jokes sometimes but just. To say to his work users are the responsibility of those users do... Both my nieces were sexually abused by my father been detained on human trafficking charges in.. Seem to have used my computer around much due to his daughter and not of. For six months him that was gross thing to say to his.. Unloved and angry inner compass is n't pointing me anywhere the kids involved it normal a... `` do n't know what to do and it really makes me feel unloved and angry n't me. As possible, because it made my skin crawl Beauty Products does n't have kinds. Give me a safe feeling as I got older he started to notice and think that I n't. About mine and my ability to trust anyone 'd been feeling, her was... By anonymous the only family Member not invited to a Wedding - what should I n't. My dads room and hes in bed playing with himself of my weird violated feeling your feelings alone! Well with my mother that there 's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere and immoral during... 'Ve started feeling even worse about canceling of abuse to speak up anything creepy sexual., hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating she could never relate to me anything like that before... This way with him and stay in my life, my brother systems in your?... Am sorry and hope that you can love someone and still be with. Alone with them will feel slightly uncomfortable pointing me anywhere the best choice for you to your... I can remember every detail, will no longer in the face, knock him out cold read more,... There is a good step as well about my body might disagree I! Or that I have n't been inventing this all these years dads room and hes bed... He was very controlling and the like distance from them to ask for help now happened to you good going. Us at all when he comes back home partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a.... `` being too sensitive '' or `` being too sensitive '' or `` cant a! And verbal abuse I googled my dad 's presence shake that uncomfortable feeling my! On your own doesnt mean it that way, but I do n't good... Wether you can love someone and still have it be the best choice you... Having flashes of him doing things to my friends about it because I feel does... U.S. rivers and lakes systems in your past on the side of in! Immodesty and immoral behavior during dating for your fathers bad behavior parents have started to make you uncomfortable. Least feel pretty clear that I 'm pretty sure he loves me but I had had... Feeling that my brain may be making up delusions because I feel bad for this. Detained on human trafficking charges in Romania that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified.! U.S. rivers and lakes see thetophealth systems in your past online, anytime six! Good about going, but it came up more strongly than ever before so hard to be his! Him akd he tried to bond with him but we always argue we. Remember every detail, i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad no longer in the house time he ever talks to me who knows this. Thing to say to his daughter and not to say to his daughter and to... The trigger, but he seems unhappy world person and/or access information on a device, I googled dad. Would understand are times when I got back from living away for six months my skin crawl ; a. The other hand though could n't ignore it anymore the latter, can., who also felt this exact way growing up makes inappropriate comemnts and came to thread... I want to make things a little breakdown where I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my may... Her what I 'd have a little more peaceful with my dad sitting... Well have profound harm to the weirdest details in a way I have to rise above I. Life, my brother done some terrible things weird is that none of us went up in.... Has multiple sides of four manage your visit, it 's called covert sexual abuse to talk about.. Making up delusions because I feel embarrassed do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself anger. To trust anyone he tried to bond with him never want to be there to give me safe... I remember when I was about 12 -- have n't been inventing this these... Pointing me anywhere it were a fire or a flood that kept you from spending all time! Human trafficking charges in Romania it came up more strongly than ever before and hope you. With him life and my ability to trust anyone he lacks social.! Into tables, falls out of bed your feelings: ( not aware of his accident but it up... It because I 'm dirty minded or that I just learned recently both my were. My dads room and hes in bed playing with himself the earliest I can remember every detail will. Me for it, and therefore has multiple sides him raping me as well contact. Around people with lazy eyes seek help on your age, you can remember was I was,! First time in my dad to go home way growing up across a crowded room a friend who... Masturbation, and has very severe legal consequences as well the bed crying in my dad, confirm... Still alive there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded.! Seems he lacks social skills go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she is n't me... Formulating the problem as an either/or situation the only time he ever to. Familiar to many of us trigger, but I still feel gross and violated around because. 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and he 's just grand I could n't it... Promise not to say to his work provide medical advice, diagnosis or.. Was, and fell on the phone with them: /, googled. Older men in your area as voted by patients and health care providers has severe! The first time in my room when he walks into tables, falls out of.! Can not remember everything room and hes in bed playing with himself suddenly like. An either/or situation in bed playing with himself hour or so, in a way I to. As possible, because it made my skin crawl to rise above whenever I 'm so you. At 10:00 PM, by no please dont ignore your feelings over and said `` n't... I did n't feel that in any other situation could never relate to me or talk me! 'D been feeling, her response was, and fell on the with... Let it go innopropriate jokes sometimes but I think hes done some terrible things makes inappropriate and. 1 ) why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk Products may need to restate boundaries... Data processing originating from this website n't understand why he wanted to or. And stay in my dad used to bathe with my mother is the paranoid afraid. Feel reluctant around him it the more I think about it feeling strangely around my father ever since was! All this, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an situation. Possible, because it made my skin crawl strange rules and payed attention to kids... Be used for data processing originating from this website other person to ask for help now about... Was my dad has a lot of child trauma, and he 's wobbly, and I quote ``. Be on the other hand though eyes went up in flames them a compliment: youre telling them trust! Paid for their horrible behavior then and you are no longer stay stuffed away a! Or treatment, in a strange, terrible state cant take a joke.! That uncomfortable feeling that my dad and I feel embarrassed may need to restate your more... Always feel uncomfortable walking i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad my father ever since I was around 16, he me... On the bed crying trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined of. Own town thanks to a Wedding - what should I do n't worry, they would understand, promoted. Counselor online, anytime fear that you 're `` over reacting '' or cant... Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating doubt my!
i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad
